Archive for the Sex Category

“Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf.” ~ Indian proverb

Posted in Dirty 30's, Lesbian Dating, Sex on December 2, 2009 by Just A Girl

People tell me things; often it’s casual acquaintances revealing incredibly personal confessions to me.  I know I have faults, but I also know that listening is not one of them.  I like to understand people.  Perhaps this is why I’ve ended up with “crazy” so often.  I want to understand why people do the things they do, act the way they act…even when the behavior is irrational…ok, insane.  (Since I’ve established that I no longer do crazy, I’ve kept my recent listening to the sane community). 

So anywho, if someone you fancy mentions a desire to you, and it’s in your power to make it happen…why the hell wouldn’t you do it?  Actually, I do know the answer to this.  I’ve been “doing” for years, and never got anything in return.  Thank god that I didn’t get so jaded that I gave up. 

So I have been seeing someone, and I’ve really been listening to her…I mean really listening to her.  I paid a visit to her very public place of employment, to fulfil one of her fantasies.  Giveth and you shall receive…un-fucking-believable!


The Dirty 30’s

Posted in Dirty 30's, Lesbian Dating, Sex, Stereotypes on November 21, 2009 by Just A Girl

My first year out of the dorms in college, I lived with 4 other girls and 2 boys.  Seven 20-year olds living together…it was absolute chaos!  The combination of raging hormones and massive amount of alcohol made for situations that would horrify parents.  

All of us were “good girls” that were transitioning through different phases of our sexual liberation and promiscuity.  By virtue of close proximity (he lived with us) on many of those drunken nights, our friend and roommate Ron was the lucky recipient of our hormone explosions.  We didn’t realize it at the time, but Ron had actually slept with 3 of the 5 of us girls.  I know…it’s so incestual in retrospect.  The conversation we girls had after we all realized that we’d all slept with Ron was hilarious.  We were trying to put together a timeline to figure out who slept with him first and in what order.  Oh, the dirty whore days of college… 

Well, I’m not sure who I’m kidding by referencing my slutty behavior as if it’s something of my very distant past.  There have been occasions in my not so distant past when a few too many shots and the right company have led to…well, you know. 

So now I feel the need to get a little defensive here.  Really, I’m not THAT much of a slut.  I mean…I can’t be worse than my friends (but, does it count when you compare yourself to friends – when in some instances it’s friends that you’ve f’d?)  Well, anywho…whether it’s direct knowledge or friends telling me about their crazy romps – they’re still doing it – they just don’t share it for the world to read on a blog!

Code of Silence

Posted in Farting, Lesbian Dating, Sex on November 6, 2009 by Just A Girl

Hi.  My name is Just A. Girl, and I am a farter. 

We’ve all been in relationships when the inevitable happens…when the toot code of silence is broken.  We suffer through those weeks, months, and for some (obviously, not me)…years where we clench our cheeks or discreetly excuse ourselves to the other room.  Then there is the “reversies” (the result of holding a fart in so long that it back-fires up in your stomach) often played off as a stomach growl…wink, wink.  I mean, really?  Who are we fooling? 

Because I’m a farter (always have been, and likely always will be) it is usually me that is the first to break the code of silence.  I am infamous for slooting (sleep-tooting) early on in a relationship.  It is always mortifying doing this, but really I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s gonna happen – a girl like me can only hold it in for so long.  

Well, I learned the hard way that slooting is actually not mortifying…what’s mortifying is letting one slip out when your lady friend is downstairs.  Yes, you heard me right.  Apparently, when you let your body release with orgasm, something else might release as well.  I thought I was going to fucking die with embarrassment!  

So apparently I’m “that girl”…I will forever be the girl that farted in her face. 

Damn…I’m a catch! 

fart shirt

Let’s talk about sex…

Posted in Coming Out, Ex-Husband, Lesbian Dating, Sex on October 29, 2009 by Just A Girl

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about sex.  Ok…I always think a lot about sex, but I’ve been thinking about it philosophically lately. 

My first real exposure to the ramifications of sex was quite the shocker:  taking my 16-year old friend to get an abortion.  The whole experience was hugely traumatic.  My virgin brain went into panic mode, which set the stage for my lifetime commitment to not have an unplanned pregnancy.  (Little did I know that years later it would take me over a year to get pregnant when I was actively trying to.) 

Apparently the whole abortion thing didn’t scare me off sex too much, as it was just a few months later that I took the big plunge (with a condom) – hanging out the passenger side of a Ford Escort on an abandoned dirt road…classy, I know.  I hate to even acknowledge the fact that I had sex with Jack’s dad, but, yes…he was the owner of that Ford Escort.     

Fast forward through the next two years of high school:  Jack’s dad would cheat on me, I would forgive him, he would cheat on me again, yada, yada, yada…  I finally dumped the bastard when I went away to college.  

In college I never really had a boyfriend.  I messed around here and there, but never anything beyond casual sex.  In college is when I started to have conscious thoughts about being with a woman.  These thoughts went totally unmentioned to anyone, and were quickly dismissed in my head as crazy thoughts.  

Starting in January of 1999, I began to write a book…or rather a journal of sorts to commemorate the closing of the millennium.  The purpose of writing this wasn’t the end result, but rather the process; so once I completed the book at the end of the year, I read it once, and then shredded it.  The primary theme in the book was my attraction to women and how I was trying to deal with it, ignore it, make it go away, etc.  At this point I had never slept with a woman (I was totally just a bar-sexual – kissing straight girls while drunk).  I was sticking to the idea that I must be bisexual…because I surely wasn’t gay – despite the fact that my mind was consumed of thoughts of fucking a woman.  Oh lordy…denial is a powerful thing. 

So what did I do about a month later…reunite with my bastard ex-boyfriend from high school – 7 years after the last time I slept with him.  I know…right?!?!  WTF was I thinking?  Ok, I’m not sure how to word this to really convey how my sexual experiences with my ex-husband were.  Let me try here – think of the most selfish lover you’ve ever had, then multiple that by 10…that was him.  So then what did I decide to do?  Marry the guy, because that makes sense!  

I struggled with my sexuality throughout the whole term of my relationship with him.  He encouraged me to “mess-around” with our women friends, and I obliged him…duh.  But, I remember one instance that I was with one of our old high school friends.  We had had a lot to drink, and she started coming on to me, with my ex-husband and her husband’s encouragement.  Shortly there after, we were half naked and about to freakin’ explode!  The only problem with this scenario is that we were two “straight” girls, pretending that we just like to make out with women, not fuck them.  I couldn’t take it anymore…I was about to blow my cover!  

Now, as a gay woman (totally not bi despite my early confusion) I am incredibly in touch with my sexuality.  After years of denial, I know exactly what I want and I have difficulty with patience and not prematurely going after it.  I’ve realized that I have the hormones of a 16 year old boy, that so happens to be trapped in a 34 year old woman’s body.  

As I’m out on the dating scene these days, it has mos def been a struggle for me suppressing my inner whore – but, I really am doing much better.  So that fabulous woman that I recently started dating…yeah, I haven’t slept with her yet – yay me!

Carrie Bradshaw Moment…

Posted in Butch, Ex-Girlfriends, Lesbian Dating, Sex on September 25, 2009 by Just A Girl

I didn’t want to count my chickens before they hatched – hence the reason I was holding back on sharing too much about the butch woman that I have been seeing for the past 3 weeks.  Well…my chickens cracked their eggs a little, but never hatched. 

Callie is cute, smart, funny, and holy *@#^ in the bedroom…but, there was a gut feeling that I had – a feeling that I am infamous for ignoring in previous relationships.  I couldn’t put my finger on it…just an intuition of sorts.  Please remember the state of my life right now:  ongoing custody battle with my ex-husband, I just lost my job, and what seems to be a never ending bitch-battle from my ex, Kristy.  The LAST thing I need in my life right now is additional drama. 

I was really beginning to feel the familiar feeling, when it was confirmed…

As it turns out, Callie – the sexy butch that I started to fall for – was incredibly kind, but far too insecure and dramatic for me.   carrie bradshaw 

So in my Carrie Bradshaw moment, I say to myself, “Am I at the age where all the single women out there are either taken or crazy?  Is there hope for me?”

Leaving the Stones unturned

Posted in Butch, Coming Out, Ex-Girlfriends, Femme, Lesbian Dating, Sex on August 31, 2009 by Just A Girl

“What’s your type?”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this by women since I’ve been an out lesbian.  As a “straight” woman, I don’t recall anyone ever asking me if I was into men that are more sporty, or slightly more feminine, or about there sexual tendencies?  I mean really…for a group that balks at being stereotyped, we sure do have our fair share of internal pigeonholing going on.

Begrudgingly, I did a categorical analysis of myself and what I think I’m attracted to.  Of course there are a bazillion different labels, but I decided to start with the top 6 that I came across:
1.  Butch: A woman who adopts what would be considered masculine characteristics.

2.  Stone Butch: A stone butch is a Butch who gets her pleasure from pleasing her partner. She does not like to be touched sexually.

3.  Soft Butch/Chapstick Lesbian: A soft butch is a lesbian whose appearance is generally androgynous. She may dress and act in a masculine manner, but be soft and more feminine in the inside. Also, a soft butch can be someone who falls somewhere between butch and femme, but closer to the butch side.

4.  Sport Dyke: A sport dyke is a lesbian, who more than anything, identifies with being an athlete. She may also dress in a manner that would give the impression she is an athlete, like baseball caps, sweatshirts and jeans.

5.  Blue Jean Femme: A Blue Jean Femme is a lesbian who identifies as femme, or feminine, but prefers jeans and more casual clothing to dresses and skirts.

6.  Lipstick Lesbian/Femme: A lipstick lesbian is a woman who loves other women, but also loves her clothes and makeup and shoes. She tends to dress on the femmy side.

I think my physicality falls somewhere between a Blue Jean Femme and a Lipstick Lesbian – as much as I gag at the thought of referring to myself as a L.L.  Personality wise, I’m thinking I am more of a Soft Butch.

Who I’m attracted to – that’s a whole other question mark.  Kristy was a Sport Dyke (with a butch personality); Laura was Blue Jean femme (with a Lipstick personality).  And, then of course there is my loves Anne, Penelope, and Jennifer (in PretendVille) who are all flaming Femmes physically.

The more I think about, I don’t know that I can commit to an attraction label.  I think that I might lean toward Blue Jean Femme-ish.  But, there are tons of Soft Butches and Lipsticks that have totally sent me over the edge.

Ok…I’ll commit to this:  I’m generally not attracted to super Butchy girls (and mos def not to a Stone Butch).