Archive for the Parenting Category

Same Ole Shiz (S.O.S.)

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Job, Lesbian Dating, Parenting, Single Parent on March 24, 2010 by Just A Girl

I have totally fallen off the blogging wagon…perhaps it’s because I’m tired of being a Debbie Downer.  Here is my scoop:  I am still painfully unemployed and I’m still battling with my son’s father.  So now you can see why I’m kept away…it’s bitching about the same ole shiz.  The bright light in all of this is that I have hit 5 months seeing someone.  I suppose I haven’t been writing a ton about this either because it’s a little harder to “kiss and tell” once you’ve made it past phase 1 of the relationship.  With all that in mind, I’ll catch up and try not to be a massive Debbie Downer. 

I’ve been applying to jobs like a mad woman, but the jobs just aren’t there.  I had a job offer – FINALLY; but, it turned out to be a low-ball offer that wasn’t even worth coming off unemployment for.  They tried the smoke and mirrors number on me, but when I asked them to but it in writing…well, that was another story of course.  Then on Monday, I had another interview…for a job that likely would be more of a long office hours position.  Mid-way through the interview (out of the blue, I might add) my interviewer asks me, “Do you have any kids?  How old are they?”  Ok…I’ve been around the block long enough to know that it’s pretty damn illegal to ask that in an interview.  So, yeah, I didn’t get that job…a big ole fat case of mom discrimination. 

I’m having the same battles with Jack’s dad.  I really don’t know when he’ll tire of it all.  I have two court appearances next week with him – one in custody court and one in child support court – both initiated by him of course.  I am going to my damnest to convey to the judges that he’s a menace to both me and the court system…this is getting ridiculous.

And, as far as the relationship goes…things are truckin’ along.  I have totally put the relationship on the slow track, for several reasons.  Being unemployed, I’m not financially in a position to be who I want and need to be.  I want to buy flowers for my woman a lot, I want to wine and dine her, and woo her to no end.  However, when you don’t feel great about yourself, it’s hard to show your best to others. Also, there is the fact that we both have young kids.  That mos def slows things down.  But, anywho…she is quite “normal” in this time of chaos for me, and that has been a welcome relief.

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Time to go lay down on the couch again…

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Parenting, Single Parent on February 10, 2010 by Just A Girl

I was told by a person close to me, in regards to my son’s father (who by now you all know I loathe), ” I do have a hard time understanding why he is able to maintain so much control over you.”

I am having a hard time with this.  Along with 2 pending court appearances, and receiving berating emails almost daily at this point, my son returned from a visit with his dad last week and made the following statements to me:

  • My daddy says he won’t let you babysit Emma (his daughter from another relationship) because you’re gay.  My daddy says you’re bad because you’re gay.
  • Why does my daddy say that you stole me from him when I was a baby?
  • Why does daddy say that you are stealing money from him?  He says you steal money from him every month.

I’m at a loss.  I try my damnest not to let his negativity control any aspect of my life, but it does…how could it not?!?  He continues to abuse me long after we’ve been together and is able to still have access to do this because I have to communicate with him per court orders.  Yes, I choose to ignore the comments made for the sole purpose of pissing me off, but it’s the zings that hurt my son when I can no longer take it.

I hate conflict.  I try really, really hard to avoid it.  But, with this comes criticism that I am letting him control me.  I try really hard not to piss him off (to a fault), because the abuse lessens when I do so.   I understand that he’ll still be a douche no matter how I treat him, so in theory, I should not let him bother me and not give two shits how he reacts to me.  But, again…I don’t know what to do because when I see and hear the shitty things he does, my blood does boil. 

Maybe it’s time to get back into therapy…

Dear Santa…all I want for Christmas is a job

Posted in Ex-Husband, Job, Parenting, Single Parent on December 11, 2009 by Just A Girl

I had my 4th job interview scheduled with a company when I received this email:

I have some tough news, we lost our 2nd largest client on Monday which puts us in a difficult short-term financial situation to make a hiring decision.  I met with my CFO today and decided to circle back to the possibility first thing in 2010.  For the time being it is best if we cancel our next meeting.  We really enjoyed getting to know you and feel like you’d be an excellent fit here for several reasons.  While I hope you can successfully find a position before we are ready to move forward I would like to keep in touch in case our financial situation changes.  Thanks for taking the time to meet with us.  All the Best.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!  I have now been unemployed for 2 1/2 months.  As a single parent, that blew her savings wad on a new car a month before being laid off…I’m kinda fucked. 

Thankfully, my sweet little boy (yes, I have successfully eliminated the aggressive behavior…until he comes back from his next visit with Daddy O in 2 weeks), asked Santa for a pillow this year.  Yes, a pillow.  He is creating a “pillow monster” and is short 1 pillow for his creation.  So, I dodged a Nintendo…or some other outrageously overpriced holiday toy.  Phew!  (Yes, Santa got him a little something else too).

So back to where I was…I’m really trying hard not to lose faith that there is a job out there for me soon, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult as the holiday is right around the corner.  This mama is going to have to suck it up and ask my family for some financial help again.  I am tremendously thankful I have them, but they aren’t “ballin'” either…so this isn’t exactly my proudest moment.

Father of the Year

Posted in Ex-Husband, Parenting, Single Parent on December 8, 2009 by Just A Girl

I thought having Jack’s dad 600 miles away would be just shy of a little slice of heaven…in a lot of ways it has been.  However, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  

When he initially left town, Jack adjusted fabulously.  We didn’t have those twice monthly de-programming sessions anymore, after each visit with John.  So John came back to town for a week long visit a few weeks ago.  Since then, Jack has been defiant and aggressive – not all the time of course, but wow it’s been rough.  My little 4 ½ year old actually punched me!  

Needless to say, I am less than pleased with this behavior.  I talked with my little man to try and get to the bottom of what’s going on with him.  A little (ok, a lot) of patience, and I got to the root of the problem.  Daddy O has informed our son that the reason that he can no longer see his dad all the time is because Mommy won’t let him.  No wonder Jack is mad at me!  It’s like John is purposefully trying to fuck up our kid.  

I will never understand this douche that masquerades as a man.

Lesson Learned from Interview #1

Posted in Family Court, Job, Parenting on October 8, 2009 by Just A Girl

Aside from family court appearances, job interviews have got to be the worst thing EVER!  They are just so painful.  “I’m great at this…I’m great at that…yada, yada.”  I wish you could just say, “Call my references…I’m not an idiot!  Are there a ton of d-bags at your company, because if so – I’ll pass.”  Wouldn’t life be so much easier?  

I had my first post-lay off interview this morning.  I woke up extra early so that I could be assured that the coffee was fully pumping through my veins come interview time of 8:30am.  Even the pre-interview ritual of deciding what to wear is painful.  I have a couple of tattoos and I always question whether I should purposely hide them in an initial interview.  I decided the answer to this was yes today.  I was all dolled up (with a long sleeve to cover the wrist tat and long pants to cover the ankle and foot tats) and ready to go.  I asked Jack, “Do I look ok?”  His answer, “You should change your necklace.”  He was so totally right.  I just love my little mini-fashionista.  So I changed the necklace and was out the door.  

We had the interview at a coffee shop.  A few minutes into the interview I realized the combo of a long-sleeve sweater, hot coffee, and nerves was going to make for a very wet interview.  I’m a total nervous sweater.  I felt the sweat begin to bead on my forehead, at which point I decided the sweater had to come off.  It was either sweat profusely and risk a bead creeping down the side of my face, or expose the tat.  Tat’s it was.  

Any who…I have not interviewed (aside from 1st dates, which BTW are far less painful than job interviews in my opinion) in a very long time.  I stumbled a few times (and totally pitted out), which is to be expected with my first one out of the gate – but, all in all – not too bad. 

Lesson learned from interview #1 – don’t bother covering up who I really am, because looking like a sweaty pig is going to make for a far worse first impression.

 

 sweaty pig

We live in a Prop 8 state, so yes…I’m afraid

Posted in Coming Out, Ex-Husband, Family Court, Mediation, Parenting, Prop 8, Single Parent on September 30, 2009 by Just A Girl

There was a reason that I waited to come out until after my divorce and custody were finalized.  I was willing to out myself and potentially lose a job opportunity, or a friend…but, not my son.  So I came screaming out of the closet when I was officially free of that bastard.  Never in a million years would I have expected to have to return to court several times each year since – now as an out lesbian.  

I was afraid for good reason.  My ex-husband has exploited my so-called “deviant” behavior in court at every chance he gets.  Prior to the judge knowing my sexuality, my ex was ordered to go to anger management classes.  After I was outted in court, the judge sympathized with my ex-husband calling him a “man’s man” and that she “understands his anger.”  The judge never berated me directly for being a lesbian, but it was quite apparent when the sudden shift occurred. 

So this Thursday I am returning to custody mediation…again.  I will sit in a room with a court representative that will decide the fate of my son.  I never underestimate the power of a homophobe – we live in a state that passed Prop 8.  So I will call all the powers that be, to help me get a mediator that sees me for the devoted mother that I am, not my sexuality.

…for worse

Posted in Ex-Girlfriends, Parenting, Single Parent, Stalker on September 3, 2009 by Just A Girl

Apparently I am a masochist.  After a few decent (not nice, but decent) text requests from Kristy to see Jack – I caved.

Kristy picked Jack up from pre-school and then I told her that I would come by that evening and pick him up from her house.  She asked me not to come to the door, but rather text her from outside to let her know that I was there…whatever, I agreed.  All in all the exchange had no drama to speak of.  Me, the eternal optimist, actually had high hopes that we could function as mature adults.

So Jack said he had a good time with Kristy and her friends, but he was kind of bent out of shape by a 5-year-old girl that was also over at her house.  I asked him if he’d like to go visit Kristy again and he said, “Only if that 5 year old isn’t there!”  He went on to tell me about how she was mean to him, etc. etc.

So the following weekend rolls around and I get an email from Kristy…this is how it went down:

K: Could I have Jack again?

Me: When were you thinking?

K: Do you have him this weekend?

Me: Yes

K: Maybe tomorrow night?

Me: Jack had a hard time with the 5 year old that was with you guys last week.  Not sure all the details with that, but he asked to not hang out with her again.  Is that something you can work with?

K: That’s a pretty interesting request coming from a 4-yr-old.  I wonder why he continued to play with her the whole night without complaint then???  Have a good weekend.

Jesus…I know she’s a bitch, but she can’t even fake it for a week!?!?!  I have to be strong and get her the fuck out of our lives…she’s such a drain.  Arggg!

After a bitch session with my best friend, she reminded me of the following guidelines that I NEED to remember when I’m feeling weak again:

1.  Any response from you is considered a success by Kristy.
2.  Nothing positive will come from any contact with Kristy.
3.  Any response is considered encouragement to her to continue peppering you with communications.
4.  She will not change behaviors just because you would like her to, no matter how rational you think it would be for her to do so.