Archive for the Family Court Category

Same Ole Shiz (S.O.S.)

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Job, Lesbian Dating, Parenting, Single Parent on March 24, 2010 by Just A Girl

I have totally fallen off the blogging wagon…perhaps it’s because I’m tired of being a Debbie Downer.  Here is my scoop:  I am still painfully unemployed and I’m still battling with my son’s father.  So now you can see why I’m kept away…it’s bitching about the same ole shiz.  The bright light in all of this is that I have hit 5 months seeing someone.  I suppose I haven’t been writing a ton about this either because it’s a little harder to “kiss and tell” once you’ve made it past phase 1 of the relationship.  With all that in mind, I’ll catch up and try not to be a massive Debbie Downer. 

I’ve been applying to jobs like a mad woman, but the jobs just aren’t there.  I had a job offer – FINALLY; but, it turned out to be a low-ball offer that wasn’t even worth coming off unemployment for.  They tried the smoke and mirrors number on me, but when I asked them to but it in writing…well, that was another story of course.  Then on Monday, I had another interview…for a job that likely would be more of a long office hours position.  Mid-way through the interview (out of the blue, I might add) my interviewer asks me, “Do you have any kids?  How old are they?”  Ok…I’ve been around the block long enough to know that it’s pretty damn illegal to ask that in an interview.  So, yeah, I didn’t get that job…a big ole fat case of mom discrimination. 

I’m having the same battles with Jack’s dad.  I really don’t know when he’ll tire of it all.  I have two court appearances next week with him – one in custody court and one in child support court – both initiated by him of course.  I am going to my damnest to convey to the judges that he’s a menace to both me and the court system…this is getting ridiculous.

And, as far as the relationship goes…things are truckin’ along.  I have totally put the relationship on the slow track, for several reasons.  Being unemployed, I’m not financially in a position to be who I want and need to be.  I want to buy flowers for my woman a lot, I want to wine and dine her, and woo her to no end.  However, when you don’t feel great about yourself, it’s hard to show your best to others. Also, there is the fact that we both have young kids.  That mos def slows things down.  But, anywho…she is quite “normal” in this time of chaos for me, and that has been a welcome relief.

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Time to go lay down on the couch again…

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Parenting, Single Parent on February 10, 2010 by Just A Girl

I was told by a person close to me, in regards to my son’s father (who by now you all know I loathe), ” I do have a hard time understanding why he is able to maintain so much control over you.”

I am having a hard time with this.  Along with 2 pending court appearances, and receiving berating emails almost daily at this point, my son returned from a visit with his dad last week and made the following statements to me:

  • My daddy says he won’t let you babysit Emma (his daughter from another relationship) because you’re gay.  My daddy says you’re bad because you’re gay.
  • Why does my daddy say that you stole me from him when I was a baby?
  • Why does daddy say that you are stealing money from him?  He says you steal money from him every month.

I’m at a loss.  I try my damnest not to let his negativity control any aspect of my life, but it does…how could it not?!?  He continues to abuse me long after we’ve been together and is able to still have access to do this because I have to communicate with him per court orders.  Yes, I choose to ignore the comments made for the sole purpose of pissing me off, but it’s the zings that hurt my son when I can no longer take it.

I hate conflict.  I try really, really hard to avoid it.  But, with this comes criticism that I am letting him control me.  I try really hard not to piss him off (to a fault), because the abuse lessens when I do so.   I understand that he’ll still be a douche no matter how I treat him, so in theory, I should not let him bother me and not give two shits how he reacts to me.  But, again…I don’t know what to do because when I see and hear the shitty things he does, my blood does boil. 

Maybe it’s time to get back into therapy…

No Double Jeopardy

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Single Parent on October 25, 2009 by Just A Girl

courtI was just in Family Support Court (money court) per my ex’s request to not pay child support (well, be obligated to pay less support, since he doesn’t pay anyway) earlier this month.  So we rapped that up on October 1st, 7 court appearances this year later (not counting my Family Court appearances).  I agreed to have him pay less, since according to the court – I can’t “prove” his self-employed income.  My proof of his fancy cars, sailboat, homes, extravagant lifestyle, his SEC filing of his company going public…all not enough “proof.”  All this is going on while we are currently in Family Court (separate court) adjusting custody. 

So I come home yesterday to a new court filing from him with Family Support Court…he wants the child support order reviewed AGAIN!!!  There is no double jeopardy in this court.  You can re-file for the same thing, over and over and over and over and over again – if you are someone who gets your rocks off on spending their days in court, which my ex so clearly does.  His current order is to pay ½ of our son’s health insurance, ½ of his pre-school fee, and $140/month in child support.  Yes, you heard me right…$140/month.  It is 2009, and this successful CEO is ordered to only pay $140/month – and he won’t even pay this amount!  I don’t have the money to have an investigation expose what he’s doing…so he wins.  

In addition to him not paying for any insurance, pre-school, or child support (keep in mind, I am also unemployed right now and he knows this) he is also currently requesting that I be responsible for covering all of the costs for our son to visit him in Northern California.  That would be me paying for 16 flights/year (the cost for me flying our son up and back 4 times/year, as he’s too young to fly alone.)  I go to Family Court on Monday, and this decision will be made.  I don’t understand how any judge in their right mind would make me pay for any of this, but I am never ceased to be amazed by the system. 

So back to Family Court I go on Monday, and off I go to prepare yet again for another upcoming Family Support Court appearance.  WTF!!!

Lesson Learned from Interview #1

Posted in Family Court, Job, Parenting on October 8, 2009 by Just A Girl

Aside from family court appearances, job interviews have got to be the worst thing EVER!  They are just so painful.  “I’m great at this…I’m great at that…yada, yada.”  I wish you could just say, “Call my references…I’m not an idiot!  Are there a ton of d-bags at your company, because if so – I’ll pass.”  Wouldn’t life be so much easier?  

I had my first post-lay off interview this morning.  I woke up extra early so that I could be assured that the coffee was fully pumping through my veins come interview time of 8:30am.  Even the pre-interview ritual of deciding what to wear is painful.  I have a couple of tattoos and I always question whether I should purposely hide them in an initial interview.  I decided the answer to this was yes today.  I was all dolled up (with a long sleeve to cover the wrist tat and long pants to cover the ankle and foot tats) and ready to go.  I asked Jack, “Do I look ok?”  His answer, “You should change your necklace.”  He was so totally right.  I just love my little mini-fashionista.  So I changed the necklace and was out the door.  

We had the interview at a coffee shop.  A few minutes into the interview I realized the combo of a long-sleeve sweater, hot coffee, and nerves was going to make for a very wet interview.  I’m a total nervous sweater.  I felt the sweat begin to bead on my forehead, at which point I decided the sweater had to come off.  It was either sweat profusely and risk a bead creeping down the side of my face, or expose the tat.  Tat’s it was.  

Any who…I have not interviewed (aside from 1st dates, which BTW are far less painful than job interviews in my opinion) in a very long time.  I stumbled a few times (and totally pitted out), which is to be expected with my first one out of the gate – but, all in all – not too bad. 

Lesson learned from interview #1 – don’t bother covering up who I really am, because looking like a sweaty pig is going to make for a far worse first impression.

 

 sweaty pig

We got the funk!

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Job on October 5, 2009 by Just A Girl

Whoa…I’m in a funk.  I knew unemployment would set it, and it has – in a big way.  

On a happy note – mediation went fabulous.  So really I couldn’t be happier about that.  (I shit you not that I started to black out twice – I saw the sparkly stars  in the middle of it – but I collected myself and pulled through it.)   When you’re negotiating with a narcissist it’s all about role playing.  If they think you are defeated, then you can get them to agree to just about anything.  After the last 4 ½ years…at least I’ve learned this.  

Back to unemployment…it hasn’t even been a week, but wowsa I’m ready to get back to work.  After I had my son, I worked from home for the first year.  I learned at that time, I am someone that has to actually “go” to work.  I mean…shower, get fancied up, and get out of the house.  Once again, I find myself staying in my jammies until noon.  And, coincidently my flat iron crapped out on my first day of unemployment – the irony.  

I will pull myself out of this funk – I always do.  So here’s to appreciating the time off…and, finding my dream job ASAP.  (Ok, I’ll accept “a job” at this point…who are we kidding.)

We live in a Prop 8 state, so yes…I’m afraid

Posted in Coming Out, Ex-Husband, Family Court, Mediation, Parenting, Prop 8, Single Parent on September 30, 2009 by Just A Girl

There was a reason that I waited to come out until after my divorce and custody were finalized.  I was willing to out myself and potentially lose a job opportunity, or a friend…but, not my son.  So I came screaming out of the closet when I was officially free of that bastard.  Never in a million years would I have expected to have to return to court several times each year since – now as an out lesbian.  

I was afraid for good reason.  My ex-husband has exploited my so-called “deviant” behavior in court at every chance he gets.  Prior to the judge knowing my sexuality, my ex was ordered to go to anger management classes.  After I was outted in court, the judge sympathized with my ex-husband calling him a “man’s man” and that she “understands his anger.”  The judge never berated me directly for being a lesbian, but it was quite apparent when the sudden shift occurred. 

So this Thursday I am returning to custody mediation…again.  I will sit in a room with a court representative that will decide the fate of my son.  I never underestimate the power of a homophobe – we live in a state that passed Prop 8.  So I will call all the powers that be, to help me get a mediator that sees me for the devoted mother that I am, not my sexuality.

Your Timing is Impeccable

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Job on September 17, 2009 by Just A Girl

If it’s not one thing, it’s a mother fuckin’ other. 

On Monday I had Family Support Court (child support court) with my ex-husband.  I think I’ve already established my extreme hatred for appearing in court.  I would rather have diarrhea for two days than appear in court for 10 minutes.  Anyway, the reason we were there is because he’s still requesting to have his child support obligation suspended indefinitely.  The end result of this visit to hell (I mean court) – he continues to successfully hide his income from the courts (a challenge when you are trying to collect child support from the “self-employed”). 

Fast forward two days – I get laid off from my job that I’ve had for the past 3+ years.   The shitty part (well, one of the shitty parts) is that my gut told me to go to my boss and ask him if I was going to be laid off soon, as this would be vital information for my court hearing.  I should have trusted my gut and asked, but I didn’t.  Now I have to go BACK to hell again…AND I WAS JUST FUCKING THERE ON MONDAY!  Argh.

Even though I suspected something like this was a possibility, denial kept me from doing anything about it.  So now, here I am again…unemployed, broke, and quite frankly a little pissed off!