Time to go lay down on the couch again…

I was told by a person close to me, in regards to my son’s father (who by now you all know I loathe), ” I do have a hard time understanding why he is able to maintain so much control over you.”

I am having a hard time with this.  Along with 2 pending court appearances, and receiving berating emails almost daily at this point, my son returned from a visit with his dad last week and made the following statements to me:

• My daddy says he won’t let you babysit Emma (his daughter from another relationship) because you’re gay.  My daddy says you’re bad because you’re gay.
• Why does my daddy say that you stole me from him when I was a baby?
• Why does daddy say that you are stealing money from him?  He says you steal money from him every month.

I’m at a loss.  I try my damnest not to let his negativity control any aspect of my life, but it does…how could it not?!?  He continues to abuse me long after we’ve been together and is able to still have access to do this because I have to communicate with him per court orders.  Yes, I choose to ignore the comments made for the sole purpose of pissing me off, but it’s the zings that hurt my son when I can no longer take it.

I hate conflict.  I try really, really hard to avoid it.  But, with this comes criticism that I am letting him control me.  I try really hard not to piss him off (to a fault), because the abuse lessens when I do so.   I understand that he’ll still be a douche no matter how I treat him, so in theory, I should not let him bother me and not give two shits how he reacts to me.  But, again…I don’t know what to do because when I see and hear the shitty things he does, my blood does boil. 

Maybe it’s time to get back into therapy…