Archive for November, 2009

The Dirty 30’s

Posted in Dirty 30's, Lesbian Dating, Sex, Stereotypes on November 21, 2009 by Just A Girl

My first year out of the dorms in college, I lived with 4 other girls and 2 boys.  Seven 20-year olds living together…it was absolute chaos!  The combination of raging hormones and massive amount of alcohol made for situations that would horrify parents.  

All of us were “good girls” that were transitioning through different phases of our sexual liberation and promiscuity.  By virtue of close proximity (he lived with us) on many of those drunken nights, our friend and roommate Ron was the lucky recipient of our hormone explosions.  We didn’t realize it at the time, but Ron had actually slept with 3 of the 5 of us girls.  I know…it’s so incestual in retrospect.  The conversation we girls had after we all realized that we’d all slept with Ron was hilarious.  We were trying to put together a timeline to figure out who slept with him first and in what order.  Oh, the dirty whore days of college… 

Well, I’m not sure who I’m kidding by referencing my slutty behavior as if it’s something of my very distant past.  There have been occasions in my not so distant past when a few too many shots and the right company have led to…well, you know. 

So now I feel the need to get a little defensive here.  Really, I’m not THAT much of a slut.  I mean…I can’t be worse than my friends (but, does it count when you compare yourself to friends – when in some instances it’s friends that you’ve f’d?)  Well, anywho…whether it’s direct knowledge or friends telling me about their crazy romps – they’re still doing it – they just don’t share it for the world to read on a blog!

Code of Silence

Posted in Farting, Lesbian Dating, Sex on November 6, 2009 by Just A Girl

Hi.  My name is Just A. Girl, and I am a farter. 

We’ve all been in relationships when the inevitable happens…when the toot code of silence is broken.  We suffer through those weeks, months, and for some (obviously, not me)…years where we clench our cheeks or discreetly excuse ourselves to the other room.  Then there is the “reversies” (the result of holding a fart in so long that it back-fires up in your stomach) often played off as a stomach growl…wink, wink.  I mean, really?  Who are we fooling? 

Because I’m a farter (always have been, and likely always will be) it is usually me that is the first to break the code of silence.  I am infamous for slooting (sleep-tooting) early on in a relationship.  It is always mortifying doing this, but really I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s gonna happen – a girl like me can only hold it in for so long.  

Well, I learned the hard way that slooting is actually not mortifying…what’s mortifying is letting one slip out when your lady friend is downstairs.  Yes, you heard me right.  Apparently, when you let your body release with orgasm, something else might release as well.  I thought I was going to fucking die with embarrassment!  

So apparently I’m “that girl”…I will forever be the girl that farted in her face. 

Damn…I’m a catch! 

fart shirt