Archive for September, 2009

We live in a Prop 8 state, so yes…I’m afraid

Posted in Coming Out, Ex-Husband, Family Court, Mediation, Parenting, Prop 8, Single Parent on September 30, 2009 by Just A Girl

There was a reason that I waited to come out until after my divorce and custody were finalized.  I was willing to out myself and potentially lose a job opportunity, or a friend…but, not my son.  So I came screaming out of the closet when I was officially free of that bastard.  Never in a million years would I have expected to have to return to court several times each year since – now as an out lesbian.  

I was afraid for good reason.  My ex-husband has exploited my so-called “deviant” behavior in court at every chance he gets.  Prior to the judge knowing my sexuality, my ex was ordered to go to anger management classes.  After I was outted in court, the judge sympathized with my ex-husband calling him a “man’s man” and that she “understands his anger.”  The judge never berated me directly for being a lesbian, but it was quite apparent when the sudden shift occurred. 

So this Thursday I am returning to custody mediation…again.  I will sit in a room with a court representative that will decide the fate of my son.  I never underestimate the power of a homophobe – we live in a state that passed Prop 8.  So I will call all the powers that be, to help me get a mediator that sees me for the devoted mother that I am, not my sexuality.


I walked into that one…

Posted in Ex-Girlfriends, Stalker on September 26, 2009 by Just A Girl

So one of my best friends calls me and asks a favor.  Jack used to have a “race car” toddler bed, that Kristy and I took up to her friend’s vacation home The Casa – to leave up there for him when we visited.  When we split, I asked Kristy to bring the bed back the next time she was up there for my friend – for her little boy.  So my friend asked me to ask Kristy again about getting the bed (which btw is a totally awesome bed).  I reluctantly asked Kristy again.  My bad…

Me:  Hi…I wanted to check with you about Jack’s old race car bed.  Tommy is ready for a big boy bed, and I had told Emily they could have it.   Is this something that you could bring back the next time you’re up at The Casa?

Kristy:  Sorry—I already got rid of it.  It has been over 6-months and you never mentioned that as a plan or I would have kept if for Emily/Tommy.

Me:  I’m pretty sure I mentioned this to you…that i intended to give it to them and if you could bring it back from The Casa when you were up there.  I don’t know…seems like you would check in with me before giving my things away?  No?

Kristy:  You are so right.  I am so sorry that I was insensitive by giving your belongings away.  Is there anything I can do to make it up to?

Me:  No worries…

Kristy:  LOL

Me:  LOL?

Kristy:  Guess I was laughing because you thought I was serious??

At my wits end, I sent her the following message – which is a Mental Health Hotline number…

Me:  1-800-969-6642

Kristy:  LOL—I have the race car bed at The Casa.  I was just kidding.  Let me know when you can pick it up?

I know, I know…I walked right into that one.  I actually thought for split second that she actually was capable of accountability and sensitivity.  I was wrong and damn me for letting her do it again!

Carrie Bradshaw Moment…

Posted in Butch, Ex-Girlfriends, Lesbian Dating, Sex on September 25, 2009 by Just A Girl

I didn’t want to count my chickens before they hatched – hence the reason I was holding back on sharing too much about the butch woman that I have been seeing for the past 3 weeks.  Well…my chickens cracked their eggs a little, but never hatched. 

Callie is cute, smart, funny, and holy *@#^ in the bedroom…but, there was a gut feeling that I had – a feeling that I am infamous for ignoring in previous relationships.  I couldn’t put my finger on it…just an intuition of sorts.  Please remember the state of my life right now:  ongoing custody battle with my ex-husband, I just lost my job, and what seems to be a never ending bitch-battle from my ex, Kristy.  The LAST thing I need in my life right now is additional drama. 

I was really beginning to feel the familiar feeling, when it was confirmed…

As it turns out, Callie – the sexy butch that I started to fall for – was incredibly kind, but far too insecure and dramatic for me.   carrie bradshaw 

So in my Carrie Bradshaw moment, I say to myself, “Am I at the age where all the single women out there are either taken or crazy?  Is there hope for me?”

Leaving It On The Field

Posted in Job on September 18, 2009 by Just A Girl

I am obsessed with Fantasy Football.  I am in a league at my job…I mean, at my former job.  And, might I add that I am a reigning champion. 

So…the day after my lay-off (they were kind enough to give me two weeks notice of my lay-off, so I’m still at work for a bit), I pass the head boss lady in the hall.  She immediately puts her head down and walks away.  Then about a minute later I get this text:  I want to talk to u, but I will just start crying.  Can we grab lunch next week?  Ok, I’m not so sure what to think about this.  I understand that she feels guilty, but its business – I get that.  But, what I don’t understand is not owning up and facing the outcome of your decision.  Hmmmm….anyway, I’ll get over that.

Back to where I was…out of all the people that I have to play this week in Fantasy Football?  You guessed it – the boss lady.   I mean, smack talk is half the fun.  I suppose I will abstain this week, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t really, really, really want to throw out a little side wager:  You lose…I keep my job?  You lose…I get to keep my health insurance? 

Some how or another, I don’t think she would find that too funny.  I guess I will just have to settle for victory on the field this week.

Your Timing is Impeccable

Posted in Ex-Husband, Family Court, Job on September 17, 2009 by Just A Girl

If it’s not one thing, it’s a mother fuckin’ other. 

On Monday I had Family Support Court (child support court) with my ex-husband.  I think I’ve already established my extreme hatred for appearing in court.  I would rather have diarrhea for two days than appear in court for 10 minutes.  Anyway, the reason we were there is because he’s still requesting to have his child support obligation suspended indefinitely.  The end result of this visit to hell (I mean court) – he continues to successfully hide his income from the courts (a challenge when you are trying to collect child support from the “self-employed”). 

Fast forward two days – I get laid off from my job that I’ve had for the past 3+ years.   The shitty part (well, one of the shitty parts) is that my gut told me to go to my boss and ask him if I was going to be laid off soon, as this would be vital information for my court hearing.  I should have trusted my gut and asked, but I didn’t.  Now I have to go BACK to hell again…AND I WAS JUST FUCKING THERE ON MONDAY!  Argh.

Even though I suspected something like this was a possibility, denial kept me from doing anything about it.  So now, here I am again…unemployed, broke, and quite frankly a little pissed off!

To be continued…

Posted in Butch, Lesbian Dating on September 12, 2009 by Just A Girl

Of course…right after I make the bold statement that I’m not so much attracted to butch-ish women…I fall for one.  WTF?  So I renig…I take it back.  A butch woman totally has my juices flowing! 

I’m sure she’s crazy – because aren’t all women crazy!?!?  I know, I know…totally jaded, but I’m trying to get beyond that.  I’m hesitant to state too much about this yet…so this post is mos def a “to be continued.”

…for worse

Posted in Ex-Girlfriends, Parenting, Single Parent, Stalker on September 3, 2009 by Just A Girl

Apparently I am a masochist.  After a few decent (not nice, but decent) text requests from Kristy to see Jack – I caved.

Kristy picked Jack up from pre-school and then I told her that I would come by that evening and pick him up from her house.  She asked me not to come to the door, but rather text her from outside to let her know that I was there…whatever, I agreed.  All in all the exchange had no drama to speak of.  Me, the eternal optimist, actually had high hopes that we could function as mature adults.

So Jack said he had a good time with Kristy and her friends, but he was kind of bent out of shape by a 5-year-old girl that was also over at her house.  I asked him if he’d like to go visit Kristy again and he said, “Only if that 5 year old isn’t there!”  He went on to tell me about how she was mean to him, etc. etc.

So the following weekend rolls around and I get an email from Kristy…this is how it went down:

K: Could I have Jack again?

Me: When were you thinking?

K: Do you have him this weekend?

Me: Yes

K: Maybe tomorrow night?

Me: Jack had a hard time with the 5 year old that was with you guys last week.  Not sure all the details with that, but he asked to not hang out with her again.  Is that something you can work with?

K: That’s a pretty interesting request coming from a 4-yr-old.  I wonder why he continued to play with her the whole night without complaint then???  Have a good weekend.

Jesus…I know she’s a bitch, but she can’t even fake it for a week!?!?!  I have to be strong and get her the fuck out of our lives…she’s such a drain.  Arggg!

After a bitch session with my best friend, she reminded me of the following guidelines that I NEED to remember when I’m feeling weak again:

1.  Any response from you is considered a success by Kristy.
2.  Nothing positive will come from any contact with Kristy.
3.  Any response is considered encouragement to her to continue peppering you with communications.
4.  She will not change behaviors just because you would like her to, no matter how rational you think it would be for her to do so.