“If you had a better attitude, maybe your baby daddy would buy you some things.”

“If you had a better attitude, maybe your baby daddy would buy you some things.”  Those words actually came out of my ex-husband’s mouth the last time I was at court…yeah, we’re regulars there.

I spent 4 ½ hours at the courthouse this afternoon.  I left in tears.  I hate that…I am a strong woman…how is it that I can be reduced to tears so easily?  I look across the court room and literally become sick at the thought that I ever fucked this man.  And, then the guilt kicks in…how could I have done this to my son.  He deserves so much more.

Note to all women out there that reproduced with a narcissistic self-employed alcoholic:  GET THERAPY…IT’S FUCKING HARD.

So after waiting 2 hours for s4b to show up…yes, he was 2 fucking hours late.  (Sorry for all the “fucks” but it’s been one of those days.)  So they finally call us to the mediation desk!   He was a total douche to the mediator – she was in a total state of shock and awe…per the usual.  So then the mediator sits with me…she purposefully takes me far away from him so that he can’t overhear.  She says to me, “We (Department of Child Support Services: DCSS) highly recommends denying his request for modification.”  He took me to court to ask that he shouldn’t have to pay child support because he doesn’t have a job – yeah, homeboy drives up to court in his brand new Cadillac CTS, lives in a gi-normous house, and vacations on his sailboat – yet, he’s been “unemployed” for what…4 years now…when did I fill for divorce…yes, 4 years ago.

So anywho…we go down to wait in the courtroom to go in front of the judge.  And, we wait…and wait…and wait.

DCSS counsel (whom neither of us have ever met):   We recommend denying the petitioners request to modify child support.  He was ordered to complete 10 job contacts per week at the June hearing.

Judge:  Do you have your job contacts?

S4b:  I forgot them.

Me:  Your honor, he is employed and has been self-employed for the past 9 years.  If you call his cell phone right now, you will get his business voicemail…he’s employed.

Judge:  But, he’s receiving unemployment.

Me:  Yes, he’s been collecting unemployment fraudulently on an off, relative to our impending court appearances, since our separation.  He owns his own business that I started with him…and he pays himself under the table to avoid any wage that child support would be attached to.

Judge:  I will continue this hearing until September at which time you will bring proof of this fraudulent activity.

But, the thing is…I’m soooooo sick and tired of this shit.  I have zero motivation left.  It’s not like he pays any child support now, so what do I have to lose.  So if I just say fuck it, then what am I out…not getting child support that I already don’t get?  But, then I hear Beyonce, “I’m a survivor, I’m not gonna give up.”  My therapist tells me that there is a 72 hour shit haze that stays with me after interactions with him.  So I will do my best not to cry in front of my son (which I unsuccessfully tried to conceal behind my sunglasses today), and not to go ballistic on that bastard mother fucker.

I will wait my 72 hours…and then I will put my game face back on.

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One Response to ““If you had a better attitude, maybe your baby daddy would buy you some things.””

  1. Hang in there girl…you are strong, he’s the weak bastard! Keep up the therapy of this blog, you’ll be happy you did…and I enjoy reading it.

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