The Beginning: “Coming Out” via Email…gotta love technology

Dear (insert name here):

I’ve been going round and round about something in my head for quite some time now, not sure how to tell you about what’s been going on with me but here goes…

My psycho-analysis of myself tells me this:  I wanted so much to have the “happy little American dream family.” So, I think I thought that being with John was the only route that I could take to achieve this.  I married him because when I was with him, I didn’t have to make any decisions for myself and had no control.  I went numb and just went through the motions in order to achieve what I thought was my dream.  But, after I had Jack, something clicked in my brain.  I decided that it was time for me to stand up for myself and be my true self.  For the first time in my life, I feel truly free and comfortable with myself and who I am.

With this in mind, there is something that I have to tell you.  And, please don’t think that this has anything to do with my relationship with John…I’ve known this for as long as I can remember and long before John and I were together – I just chose to deny it. Let me take a deep breath now….(insert name here), I’m gay.

I didn’t want to “out” myself to you over email or the phone, but I wanted to get it all out and I knew that I would choke up on the phone.  And, I worried that you might hear this from someone else before I will see in person to tell you, since John knows this information.

I’m not asking you to understand this…I’ve had trouble understanding it all myself.  But, what I am asking from you is that you support and love me, in spite of this.  I am the same person that I’ve always been, just a little happier and more comfortable with myself now.  Believe me…I wanted nothing more than to not be gay, but after 32 years – I can’t deny it any longer.

I’m sure you have some anger, confusion, questions, and a whole lot of other things going on in your head.  Please call me when you are ready to talk to me.

I love you,

me  (aka…chicken shit)

Chicken Shit

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